I have come to believe that the best kind of walk or journey is the one in which you have no particular destination when you set out… – Ruskin Bond

When you start something unknowingly, the results turn out to be more interesting beyond your imagination.

During the past few months, I was reported lost on my blog! In spite of all my efforts and scribbling on paper here and there, those pieces of life fell apart and weren’t published at all. But I am back with something more relevant to share. Maybe it would fill in those pieces in just one stretch.

So, recently I was on a journey of self-discovery.

Once my father told me, this would be just a non-stop process until you breathe your last. For a person who strives to learn the whole life, who prefers to be a student irrespective of the age and whose erudition has no end shares this common problem of self-discovery every now and then. Whenever life takes a turn, whenever you overcome one more challenge, there you stand with one more self-discovery. You just fetched one more reason to take another challenge, one more reason to face the world and one more reason to live.

Suddenly coming to a new country, trying to make it my own home, dreaming of happy days to come back on track, struggling to define what success could be……..well, take a break !!! Damn, I don’t need to live a life of such anxiety. Who cares for that, if at the bottom line, you are not happy? None of us need to live for others, to show others, but just for the sake of ourselves, just for the sake of that inner conscious who knows what’s true and what’s fake.

Thinking that my life as a young mother would take a big leap, I enthusiastically started a program at one of the Immigrant serving agency, here in Calgary, Alberta six months ago. I have a deep respect for those who could complete this challenging program with or without assistance from their family members. 10 weeks in-class training and 14 weeks work placement. Numerous assignments on board and for home, high pressure for 100 percent attendance, challenge adds on when your husband gets super busy than you, and women politics for the survival of the fittest. I don’t remember going through much more difficult time then this in my life other then the day I was in labor pain.

So, here I stand today.

Majority of the participants of the same program are today working as full or part-time employee somewhere or the other. And, I am back to my writing pleasures with the least.

But, as I grew seeds to plants in that program, as I learned more about my capabilities, I stood close to my family commitments and the most to my 18 months old tiny angle. My job, my career, my ambitions might be high on to do list, but the time for my baby to fly away from my arms is just across the small corner. It would just take a couple of years and she would be grown to take care of herself. And that would be the time when I would regret why I let her grew like that.

During this small phase of time, my daughter fell sick for more than 15 times. She started feeling neglected at home, when I was trying to do rounds of cooking, cleaning dishes, keeping the home organized, doing my assignments, taking care of my relationships and ultimately trying to figure out what perfect work-life balance means.

I learned about my priorities. I learned that life can take a pause. I learned that relaxing in life is more important than running a race to win this life. Opportunities come to the weaker person, while the strong ones build their own opportunities. So, I don’t need to run but take a gentle walk to the path of success.

For some this might sound like a failure, like a coward, not strong enough to fight with circumstances. Some might say, your daughter won’t be proud of you because you decided to give her more time than money.

I don’t need to go and start right away, take a job, start earning, build a strong career in North American democratic country but the capitalist economy and have a stressed life forever. I deserve a better life than this, a happier ending for my family.

 

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