Why would I randomly think of my special journey as a mother beginning the month of July?
It is not because this month is magical with my beloved memories of Indian monsoon or because it brings the delight of bright cheerful summer on Canadian soil. They do enchant me for sure and take me to the feeling that life is happening, life is moving as it should. But, it is also far beyond what nature does to my brain. I would say it is rather an emotional reaction that leads me to this sheer joy of realizing how this time of the year is different.
So am I on this other side of the story, the first part being my daughter. I never could understand why I always desired to have a daughter if I was given the option to choose. As I went into pregnancy my fears were extreme. Life was unplanned, unpredictable. I desired not to have any surprises but as its said destiny always has things planned for you, it happened. As I went into my second trimester, my first ultrasounds revealed it to be a girl. My joys were boundless. It was with that declaration that my journey as a mother began and I started having a different perspective on what destiny was doing to me.
By the beginning of July 2014, I remember how my belly took its fullest expansion and how my body weight went double. I experienced the most elusive state of mind during this phase. As I felt myself dragging my body to move, to stretch and I yearned to get rid of this every single time of the day. My breaths were longer as my body needed gulps of oxygen flow and often those weird dreams in the middle of afternoon nap would alarm me that this the end for a worry-free sleep I had been enjoying so far in life. Also, there were times, when I desired my body to turn to zero mass and just flow without gravitational force. I knew around the corner, there is an end coming to my individual existence. It was a confused feeling. As I went on completing 32 weeks of successful pregnancy, the days were getting very close when I would soon touch, smell, and feel the little life which was taking its form inside me. This little life which since its inception defined the process of life on earth.
On one fine day, recently after completing 36th week, my water broke. I was sitting chewing last bites of apple before my evening tea and that sudden urge to pee was turned to be pooled with pink liquid. I was rushed immediately to the hospital and all that was going in mind was lingering memories of witnessing how rains made those tiny lifeless plants turn green, how the buds started blooming, how the new leaves spurred out of patched branches of trees. 21 hours in labor and finally going through C-section surgery to let that new life open eyes into this world. There could be no words to describe how proud and fulfilled this process made me for what my body was doing to my mind and to this world.
It’s been three years now that I ever experienced what takes it be bear pregnancy. What it takes your body to transform into a better soul and nurtures you internally. My daughter will be turning 3 years in coming July 22nd. For every mother, the date they bring their extended genes on earth has a very significant place in her life. It’s not less than the feeling of human instinct of achievability that the seed they saw is growing, spreading new leaves and amassing branches to give some fresh air to this slowly diminishing world.
Everybody is born special because they successfully create their own identity since the moment of their birth irrespective of the parents they are born to or the families they are born into, also because of the pleasant and unpleasant situations that bring them to life. They start growing into their own personality with whatever world offers them, through their surroundings and through the definition of life. I won’t say my born is the most beautiful, best, and sweetest person on earth. I don’t even see that way. What I see is that this soul is growing differently. What makes me feel proud is that this is the soul that I understand fully and this is new life on earth whose story I will be witnessing all by myself.
These three years have taught me more than anything could teach me. Living a life with an infant having to keep a microscopic eye on the growing brain and body, witnessing every single millstone of human growth not only physically but also intellectually is what defines motherhood. This also taught me, how the human mind is shaped and gives me a fresh perspective of what makes human behave differently to different situations. Knowing your child, knowing what to expect and what not, learning how to be able to give freedom to yourself and to your born and overcoming fears of losing yourself to be a better role model for your children. The joys of seeing selfishness in its new definitions, learning new languages of judgments and my increased sensitivity to this world. All this and what not have ultimately transformed me into a better person and that is what my journey into motherhood has given me.
I would love to hear back from you how your son’s or daughter’s birthdays make you feel?